There are two forces warring against your soul. Is it any wonder that life here on earth is not for the faint of heart? At times it’s a battle. Survival of the fittest.

In Epic, John Elderidge writes “Life doesn’t come to us like a math problem. It comes to us the way that a story does, scene by scene. You wake up. What will happen next? You don’t get to know-you have to enter in, take the journey as it comes. The sun might be shining. There might be a tornado outside. Your friends might call and invite you to go sailing. You might lose your job. Life unfolds like a drama.”

One thing I know for sure on my own journey through this life, is that there are things we can’t see, and things we cannot explain. You’ll be put into situations you strive to understand, but sometimes there’s no understanding at all.

A friend came to me perpelexed about a relationship and why it didn’t work out. She lived in one state, he in the other. He’d said many things to her over the course of their 8 months together, including that he loved her. Yet she was conflicted about moving forward, and continually confused. He said that he wanted to move to her city to experience life with her day to day, yet he’d also said many conflicting statements. She ran through the list of them and asked me what she should do. “We’ve never been exclusive, right?” he’d said after 8 months of her, investing in him. and, “I’m not sure I want someone else’s kids” (she has them), and “I’ve got to focus on the person here right in front of me, and, “I may move out of the country in two years,” and ‘If you love someone, let them go,” and finally, the one she understood the least; ‘I don’t want to hurt you.”

“How does all of that make you feel?” I asked.

“I know that he loves me. 100 percent. When we are together it’s the best feeling in the world. But, I end up confused. He hasn’t introduced me to any of his friends. And, we don’t see each other on weekends even. His actions don’t match his words. and, there are times when his words don’t even match his words!”

She had wanted to explore a life with this man. Was considering a major, life change to be with him. He’d recently asked her; “what’s preventing us from exploring a future together?” In the same conversation they had talked seriously about relocating their lives to the same city, and yet once again he took a step back. “Well, if I move somewhere else instead, I hope you don’t think it’s a bad sign for us.”

She was at a crossroads, seeking an answer.

I told her that in the end, life is really very simple. Life is a story, and there are invisible forces warring against your soul at all times, so we must first seek the Kingdom of God, for answers, instead of trying to figure it all out on our own. Sometimes, there are no answers visible to the naked eye.  Yet we humans continue to try to understand what cannot be understood. If you are confused and lack peace, just stop. Take a deep breath. Maybe turn the car around and take a different road.

And, as a writer let me remind you, that every scene, every story, has a beginning, a  middle, and an end. Sometimes we drag the end out too long. Have you ever seen a movie like that? And sometimes we end things before they’re supposed to. Still at other times, we’re that character in the story that messes up the outcome.

Try, but be prepared to let go of that which confuses you. The simplicity, is the fruit.  yes is yes. no is no.

What’s the fruit of your story? If a scene is confusing, and you repeat that same scene and it’s still confusing, you have to wonder who the author of that story is. The fruit of a good and healthy tree, is tasty, lovely, and light.

If I cross the finish line without you, I have not finished.

An amazing friend told me this today. Selfless, compassionate, and loving, yet not without challenges the rest of us could not bear.  A lot like Jesus. Who do you know that you can say that to today? It was a simple sentence, but it made me feel cared for, loved. In a world where everyone’s going at a fast pace, it is nice to think that one person really does care about how you end your journey here.

Take baby steps, stay in the promise of the Truth. Cross the finish line and take someone with you.

mornings with the homeless always remind you about the meaning of life.

Curtis, a friend who lives under a bridge downtown, told me about how he ended up on the street. We’ve become good friends. Like me, he grew up with a father who was absent and dealing with issues of his own. Curtis chased the love of his father and eventually stole an awesome shiny car one day, in an attempt to find him.

In his mind he was headed to California where his father had moved.

Now for those of you who read this and simply are appalled by someone who steals a car – let me tell you; desire pulls us to do crazy things. You may not have stolen a car, but if you’ve ever lusted after another human, or a cupcake, or something you just didn’t need, you might know what I’m referring to.

The desire for the love of a father, is like a magnet. It’s as if you’re being pulled inside yourself, inside out.

Most of the people who are homeless are there because they never reconciled what happened to them as a child. They are not free.

I remember feeling upside down, before I realized that God was my father. But then I got free and stopped struggling to understand human failings. Humans sometimes disappoint. We can’t always understand why.

So Curtis was driving the shiny new car down the pacific Coast highway. Sun was shining, waves crashing against the shore. “It was the most beautiful drive in the world, Tammy. I had fallen in love with this car. was so happy, so joyful. Going to find my father.”

His father was a rejecting person. He’d left the kids and his wife early on, and never stayed in contact. Curtis said he was almost there, driving, and felt happy and free! He saw a police car speed by with sirens on, and then several, and a roadblock up ahead. He said he thought: “Wow, they must be looking for a bad criminal.”

Curtis kept on driving. Not a criminal, but a free man, a little boy, with the wind blowing through his hair. Ahead, the police captured him, and he served over a decade in jail. When he was released, he ended up on the streets of Dallas.

“But how come it didn’t occur to you to think the police were after you?” I asked.

“I was just so happy and free. and I was on a mission. I was almost there.”

See, I believe that the desire for freedom and wholeness causes us to do strange things. The desire to know who we are and where we came from can be powerful, and powerfully destructive. People get wounded, and have a hard time living without answers. So we seek them, or seek to cover the pain with the wrong things. Like Curtis, sometimes we just want to take a ride, to be free, with the wind blowing through our hair.

New life, new year.
A few points to ponder/ things I’ve learned along the way. Unlike Letterman’s list, there are only 6.

1: Success isn’t monetary. Sure, this seems obvious to most. But let’s really redefine achievement and what it means in this new year. I’ve met a lot of homeless people who are richer in character, love, and peace, than those living in the largest mansions.

2: Love and peace, are major assets in your life. Perhaps the two best you can possess.

3: Corinthians confirms this. “The greatest of these is Love…”
Can you imagine? He places love over even Faith in God. Read it.

4: If people say they want you, love you, and need you, make sure that what they’re saying lines up with what they’re doing. Maybe mom was right. Actions really do speak louder than words. Same with your business life. Make sure words and actions are congruent. If you’re confused, cut your losses and move on to a higher level of living and peace will be your reward. This requires a bit of sacrifice, perhaps loss, and pain, most of the time.

5: Congruency is the greatest challenge of mankind. But when our thoughts, words, and actions are all in alignment, your body mind and soul are at peace. Otherwise, there’s conflict. As Paul wrote, I do what i do not want to do. Ever done that before?

6: Adventure might provide adrenaline, and so does angst. But overall we should seek Peace, not Justice. That was one of the greatest lessons someone taught me last year. You cannot put a price on peace.

Happy New Year, friends.
Love, Tammy

Yes, you’re right.

Life is complex, and there are many many moments when we should practice what we preach.

I’m an imperfect human in an imperfect world. But aren’t we all?

Forgiveness is hard, but it’s the path to nobility. When you stop to think about it, is it possible that the one who wronged you, did not know the hurt they caused?
I’m sorry. I’m sorry a million times.
You can say that,
but sometimes a heart won’t hear it. It’s possible that when you say ‘I’m sorry,” that someone is so set in their ways that they just won’t understand.

On the streets of dallas this morning with 300 homeless, I saw the result of unforgiveness and bitterness. Ending up at the end of yourself is not about economics. Living under a bridge is about a lack of something emotional – whether it be forgiveness, an inability to reach out and accept a word, overcome a tragedy, or accept love.

I vow to be unoffendable.
Because life is too short. Life is too joyful, and a gift from God.

Reach out, extend a hand, and a heart.
There is no time to waste, no time for grievance or negativity.

Forgiveness is freedom.
Imagine freedom.
and then move on.
People use those two words to describe wealth, but the real wealth is a peaceful life.

Colossians says;
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.

This entry is for you.
Imagine freedom.

Saw a movie that reminded me that sometimes our lives are altered forever, but then there are other times when we alter our lives, unknowingly.

I saw the Fantastic Mr. Fox movie and, being a writer, was in awe of the greatest lines. A fox is in a life and death battle with a rat. Much like the battle you do today, with others, or with yourself. In the battle the unarmed and charming hero, Mr. Fox, is fighting a nasty, oily, grimy street rat who wields a sharp blade. In the end the hero prevails and as the Rat lay dying, he gave up an important secret. Noticing this genuine change in the rat before the rat’s last breath, Mr. Fox’s son says: “He redeemed himself!”

Mr Fox replied: “Ah, REDEMPTION. But in the end, he’s really just another dead rat in the alley behind a chinese restaurant.”

In the end, we have a choice. And sometimes those choices we make are forever. Don’t forget that there are brilliant moments that you can’t get back.

Remember being a child with a shiny red balloon, and accidentally letting it go? It drifted into the sky, unattainable, floating away until it was a small speck in the distance. Then, you blink, and it’s gone.

Hold on, to those moments you love. Hold on even tighter, to the person you love.

Think. Pray.

Be intentional.

When you love something, let it go….

well, That’s a popular cliche’ but that’s all it is, a cliche’. When you love something, hang on for life! Let your knuckles get white as you grip the side of the cliff but hang on, for dear life. Because if you love something and let it go, you may never get it back again. Timing is everything.

Letting go, if even for a moment, is a risk.

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Got a call this morning from a friend that another friend was hit by a car last night and died.

I could write a long drawn out blog entry about thankfulness, life, death, and loss, but instead I’ll just say that we only get one shot here on earth. The humans you see in the flesh, right before you, are important. Try not to wound them too much, and when you do, take a deep breath and offer a long embrace. Allow God to use you as a comforter, a blanket of peace. Try to get out of your head.

I have loved hard, and openly.

If you love someone, hold on. Be open and honest and live full on. It’s hard sometimes, and it might hurt, but you may not get a second chance.

be courageous.

Here’s an amazing verse of comfort that someone sent to me last night:

I have not brought you out of the wilderness to allow you to be devoured by the giants in the Land. I brought you out by a miracle of My divine grace…Stretch forth the hand of faith. Set foot upon the territory you wish to claim. I will move ahead of you and clear a path, but you must be determined to follow closely and to hold your ground without wavering. Numbers 13:30, 14:8

Happy thanksgiving!

with love, and a joyful heart…

t

You probably never want to hear those words.

But chances are, you might want to say them.

yes, we are talking about love again. It seems to be a common theme, in life, in my books, in the media. Love hurts. Love reigns. Love rules. The other day a guy friend said; “what is love anyways?”

He was frustrated, because the girl he loves does not love him. (yet)

Later in the week a gang member I had breakfast with told me “when people say love is in the air, I want to run and get a gas mask, cause I;ve been hurt by love.”

Then, the day after, a pastor friend I met with about his book, pointed to Gods love as all encompassing, selfless, the way we should be.

Interesting. Three different humans with 3 different perceptions of love.

At times, I’d say my definition has been a combination of all three. Questioning, wondering, wandering. But today, I want to be able to give my love. With a but.

I do know what Love isn’t. It’s not Jon and Kate, plus 8. It’s not Madonna and every other young supermodel, manservant, lustful abberation of love. It’s not passion, anger, or lust.

So I know what it isn’t, and as far as what it is … all I know is that you know it when you feel it.

And that love is so precious, and free, that you can give it away to a stranger, in a momentary

smile, a meal, an offering of a word. Love can change lives.

BUT.

sometimes love just isn’t enough.

You can offer your love, but at times it won’t be reciprocated. Or perhaps it will, but not in the right way. You can give Gods love, but someone can choose not to receive it.

I have a friend who loves a man who has some habits that are detrimental to their

relationship. He can’t give them up. He’s addicted to them. But, she loves him.

I tell her to love, but be prepared to walk away.

So just because you feel it, doesnt mean you should make it a reality or a relationship. Just because I love you, doesn’t mean you are going to be part of my future.

Love doesn’t equate to stability, safety, and Godliness, all of the things that equal a sustainable life.

So.

I love you…   but.

as the gang member said. Love, is sometimes a mirage. At times it’s something we create and mystify and blow up bigger than it is. Sometimes, love is just not enough. Unless it’s real, of God, or perhaps the love of a child.

Counterfit love?

well, that’s the type that leaves you confused and frustrated. The type that carries with it questions. The opposite of that is a God love, that would make you feel secure.

So friends, if you love someone, or think you do, pass it through the litmus test of reality. Your insides may be turning upside down, but if you don’t feel safe and secure, is it sustainable? It might not be easy, but it might be time to cut em loose, to focus on a more real definition of love.

Or, as my friend says, don the gas mask. Love is in the air.

Life is simple, yet we make it harder than it has to be.

Running in the woods this morning got my brain fired up again. When you’re running over roots and rocks you have to keep your eyes wide open. It’s important, so that you don’t stumble and fall.

Then again, what if you do?

In my own life I’ve learned that it’s important to free fall, too,
to run wild like you used to when you were a child without a care in the world.

Too often we are intent on maintaining control, on being in control of all things – only to miss out on the greatest gifts.

What gifts (people, places, or things) have you unknowingly rejected in your life? Maybe it’s just that you’ve not made space or time.

Maybe it’s because you’ve allowed too much drama, thought, or over-analyzation in. Do you think Jesus, (and other great leaders) over analyzed, or was He a man of action?
At times a fixation on how things should be – in a perfect world- can prevent the fullest joy God offers.

A friend said recently that sometimes a dead end leads to an open door. We had driven down a dirt road that day to stumble upon a stranger, who we chatted up for awhile. A delightful detour, that would have been missed if fear or hesitation had intervened.

Today I’m open to detours.

Lately I’ve been taking a break from the illusion of control and understanding – just to be.
I’ll listen more, think less.
He is with you always.

In that, there is joy and an ability to live life full on!